Why April will be Awesome

In case you haven't heard, click here.

Not excited yet? Watch this.

Jeff Matsuda is STILL awesome (Wolverine vs Hulk)

I should begin by noting that this is a first. I am reaffirming that someone or something is awesome (as if my prior statement wasn't enough, or as if my judgment of awesomeness could be somehow fallible or weakened by the forward motion of time.) All that being said, it's because Jeff Matsuda is SO awesome that I felt the overwhelming urge to state it again. Why?

The new HULK VS DVD. Do yourself a favor and buy this.



Hulk Vs is a DVD with two roughly 45 minute animated films - Hulk vs Wolverine, and Hulk vs Thor. Or as I like to think of it, "Hulk vs Wolverine, plus another one." (I mean no disrespect to the guys who worked on Thor - it was also cool. But, it also had Thor in place of Wolverine.) If you haven't gathered by now, we have Jeff Matsuda's awesomeness to thank for Hulk vs Wolverine.

(spoilers below)

Hulk calls Wolverine "Little Man." He shouts "Hulk Smash" and that he's "strongest there is." Signature attacks and poses are used, covers are paid homage to. The WeaponX program is involved. Featuring: Sabretooth, Deathstrike, Omega Red (!), and a fantastically-executed Deadpool - pun seriously not intended.

Deadpool talks incessantly, mocks nonstop, gets his arm cut off and complains to himself while he puts it back on. Fan-tastic. Sabretooth talks about how after Wolverine's dead, they'll "drop Hulk on an orphanage, or somethin." The characterization here is just great. You can tell that the folks in charge knew and loved the source material. Did I mention it's violent? I mean, it's not early-90s-anime-violent (alas, what is?) but there IS blood and it IS red. Thank you "straight to video."

So all in all, this gets one awesome out of a possible one awesomes, because when you get an awesome from me, just one, that's all you need. But sometimes you get two even though you only NEED one. Come to think of it, JM doesn't actually NEED any awesomes. All I know is this - maybe a person can't be knighted twice (at least not without becoming some sort of super-ghost-killing-knight made out of Voltrons) but, Jeff Matsuda, you have been twice awesomed. Believe that.

On a separate note: I neither know nor care much about Thor, but here's what I took away from his story. Loki might be sort of right to hate Thor, Loki has a hot super-tall daughter who rules hell (every part of that is awesome), and since Thor chose Sif over Enchantress I kind of have to question his ability to make the wisest decisions.

Lego Batman is Awesome

It's Lego, it's Batman, it's a new stand-alone story, and despite being cutesy, this is the best Batman video game yet - and not just because the others sucked.

It's a two-player co-op, but you can go solo and alternate controlling each character - which is nice. The AI of your buddy character is pretty top-notch too, in case you're on your own.

There's a lot of replay value, since you unlock extra suits and characters as you play that allow you to access to additional areas. Plus, if you beat the 'whole' game, you've only beaten half of it; there's a villain counterpart level to every hero level, and playing as villains is AWESOME. All the villains I've gotten so far are cool to play (except for the impractical Two-Face). I can't wait 'til I get Scarecrow, Joker, and Harley. For now, this is my free play homeboy.

Super-strength, super-jumps, AND he's Clayface.
WORD.

I'm only 1/3 of the way through, but I've already been on the receiving end of about 200% of the awesome that most games have - so a big thanks to all who worked on it.

If you have any current gaming system, do yourself a favor and pick this up!

Juggernawesomeness

While I never expected it to happen, I can now proudly say that I am the owner of (IMO) the single coolest published Juggernaut page to ever exist.



YEAH!

There's other cool stuff out there, sure, but you'd be hard-pressed to outshine this. Joe Madureira pencils, Tim Townsend inks, memorable title splash page, 100% frame-worthy, from the original Onslaught arc. Super-super awesome Juggernaut with stone-cold-killer-eyes.

It's really hard to believe that in the past year (more-or-less) I've been able to get 3 of the 8 'own-if-its-at-all-possible-before-I-die' pieces - even harder to believe since out of the 5 that are left I only know where 1 of them is! So a big thanks to Mr. Matsuda, Bazzana, and Thrash (which sounds like the awesomest lawfirm ever) for making these dreams become realities! And thanks to Girlfriend-of-Apocalypse for being cool with me buying them! (I WILL get you back. I promise!)

Awesomeness that Comics has Lost

Believe it or not, this isn't about how comics used to be better than they are now; this is about two artists that aren't working in comics anymore - though I really wish they were. John Hebert and Arnie Jorgensen.

John Hebert (not 'Herbert') was in comics around the mid 90's, doing work on some Punisher titles and most of the 'season two' X-Men Adventures book. (You'll know which ones he did because they're the ones that look really good.) I always hoped Marvel would move John over to a 'real' X-Men book, (he drew the best Omega Red I've ever seen) but no such luck. (He was discovered by Mike Zeck and I believe, to some degree, was a protege.) While I don't know the details, rumor has it that some shady office politics stuff went down and suddenly John's out of a job and some other guy who wasn't half as good was propped up in his place. To me, that is a HUGE loss. If things had gone a different way, we would've had 10+ years of improvement upon his already kickin in '95 style. I've talked briefly with John, and he's got a 'never say never' attitude toward the industry - so there's at least a little bit of hope that we could see this type of dynamism return to comics.



Arnie Jorgensen, to the best of my knowledge, was 'lost' to comics in the same way that Joe Madureira was - video games. Now, I love video games - and I love comics - heck, I even love video games about comics (even when they suck, which they do about 3/4 of the time)... and I totally support artists moving to a profession where they can earn more and diversify their skill sets - but it sucks for me, the comic-buying consumer who likes their comics to look cool. Arnie did work mostly on fill-in issues for the Big Two, but he'll always be a legend to me for being the guy who introduced Prometheus. He did the full interiors for the Prometheus one-shot, along with the full-interiors to the JLA issue that introduced him. Tell me we couldn't use this guy in comics today.



Sidenote: apparently I am looking for way way more villains with helmets, and with things sticking out from their helmets...

Bionic Commando: Rearmed

A picture of 'then' and 'now.'



Bionic Commando Rearmed is the best $10 I have ever spent. There are games I've spent $50-$60 on that I have not enjoyed as much as BCR - and had I known BCR was as good as it is, I'd have gladly shelled out 'real game' money for it.

The original Bionic Commando was released for the NES amidst a number of other 'soldier-shooting-stuff' games, but differed greatly in the fact that you had an extendable-robot-arm - which means it was awesome. (The game is also famous for graphic-head-explosions.) This game is so awesome, that even owning it on NES, I bought it again on GBA (on one cart with Strider - another great NES game, and Mighty Final Fight - it's $8 at Gamestop now folks!) just so I could play it 'on-the-go.'

Now, as they're revitalizing the franchise after a 20-year-break with '09's release of Bionic Commando on the next-gen consoles, they've released a downloadable game (BCR) which is essentially a remaster of the original NES game with plot aspects added to bridge the 'gap' between the original 80's game and the impeding '09 game. BCR has more logical boss battles, a better health and shooting system, hidden secrets, and rocket-launchers-that-shoot-rockets-that-are-guidable.

There is just nothing bad to say about this game. If you haven't yet, download it now. It already set records for a game in terms of first-week-download sales, and for good reason. Because it's AWESOME. (If I have this in the nursing home when I'm like 80, being old is going to rule.)

It is SO cool they're finally coming out with some 'retro' (aka 2-d) games that are awesome. In a week or so, they're releasing Mega Man 9 - and if it's even half as good as Bionic Commando Rearmed is, it's going to be a steal.

Thank you Capcom. Thank you for ruling so freaking hard.

The Awesomeness of Goldust

Portrayed by Dustin Runnells, who wore a gold-and-black jumpsuit, matching facepaint, and donned a long straight-blonde-wig, Goldust was a character in mid-90's professional wrestling. He made references to the femme fatales of the early silver screen and one of his finishing moves, the 'Shattered Dreams,' was running across the whole ring to build up extra momentum for KICKING YOU IN THE BALLS.
(Note: the 'Shattered Dreams' is nearly the awesome equivalent of a Kevin Nash 'Jackknife Powerbomb.' God, that guy was just made to powerbomb people.)



Dustin himself is the son of Dusty Rhodes - making Goldust the 'grandson-of-a-plumba.'

Eventually Goldust (kayfabe) developed Tourette's to humorous effect, and also cut a number of awesome promos with Booker T. As much comedian as he is wrestler, Dustin Runnells deserves whatever money can buy. (He now wrestles in TNA as Black Reign.)

"Remember the name... Goldust..." is Awesome.

The Best Flavor is BLUE

"Blue is not a flavor," my girlfriend said.

Yeah. Right.

Not only IS blue a flavor, but blue is the BEST flavor.

Several flavors in 'not real' foods are better than those in 'real' foods. Have you ever had Orange Bubblicious gum? If you have, then you know it doesn't taste a damn thing like an orange, assuming you were foolish enough to actually try an orange afterward.

'Actual orange' not what they were going for. Orange gum tastes like what oranges SHOULD taste like. If we were all dead and in paradise, oranges would taste as good as Orange gum. Or the juice that fills your mouth when you get those little tiny pieces of Orange Juice gum. God those things were good. But even the greatness of artificial Orange Juice gum (which is nigh immeasurable) can't hold a candle to the awesomeness of blue. Don't believe me? Let me share with you my favorite blue drinks - all of which are at least partially frozen.

6) - Blue Icee - this is a slurpee-type drink (sort of) that's available at most Burger Kings and at a lot of movie theaters. It's frozen and it's blue, but that's all it has going for it. It's the bottom of the barrel in quality of this list. (Note: it is still awesome.)

5) Blue Otter Pops - anybody else who was raised poor had Otter Pops growing up. And not the new 'today' kind either. I'm talking about the janky, chatty Otter Pops of the 80s. Somewhat similar to Flavorice, except that with Otter Pops you felt like you could trick yourself into believe you were learning important historical facts that were based in anthropomorphized-fictitious-otters-throughout-time. They came in assortments, and this was their downfall. You'd end up eating the sucky Red ones for like a week solid until your Mom would go buy more. (Red is the opposite of blue, unless it's strawberry - which is still awesome, and actually quite similar in flavor to the majority of blue drinks.)

4) Slush Mugged Blue Gatorade - preferably Glacier Freeze. Again - anybody who grew up poor should damn well have a slush mug.

3) Blue Slurpees. There have been at least 3 kinds of blue Slurpees. I-don't-remember, Blue Raspberry, and Blue Blunder. Blue Blunder was the best. (Apparently, Slurpees are quite heavy in Nitrogen, thus blocking the bodies' absorption of nutrients. No wonder I was a fat kid.)

2) [TIE] The blue slushes at Wetzel's Pretzel's, and Blue Shaved Ice from Renaissance Festivals

1) Blue Slush Puppie. The one. The only. The original. Often imitated, never duplicated. Hard to find (the website's no help) and it's harder to find someone who'll actually serve you one - but man are these things good. You can actually feel the sugar rushing into your brain. That's the mark of quality.

6 instances of Blue being a flavor. The AWESOMEST flavor. And I'm pretty sure with that, I've proven I'm right.

Jeff Matsuda is Awesome

Jeff Matsuda is Awesome.

If I had to describe his work with one word, it's 'kinetic.' You can't look at something he's drawn without feeling the energy behind every line just waiting to burst out from the proverbial seams.




You might remember Jeff from his run on X-Factor back in the late 90's (apx 122-136), followed by Wolverine (apx 133-138), or his work on Kaboom, Buffy, Impulse, or Marvel Mangaverse. You might even remember from way back on Newmen or Troll.

Lately Jeff's been finding work outside of comics though, well, sort of. He was character designer (and executive producer) for The Batman, he's put together a little thing for Google you might've heard about, and is now working on the Marvel animated Wolverine vs. Hulk.

All I know is, this guy is awesome. Jeff Matsuda has consistently been awesome for well over ten years now. So go buy some of his stuff; he won't disappoint!

Movie Batmans, from Worst to Best

There have been many silver-screen Batmen o'er the years, and leave it to me to chronicle them according to my opinion, which is also fact. Please note, I am awarding points only in complete bats, because Bat-fractions (not to be confused with Matt Fraction) would be harmful to the general bat population.

(0/4 bats)

George Clooney. Clooney has gone on record (see: audacity) saying that while Batman is not gay, he CHOSE TO PLAY HIM THAT WAY ANYWAY. Clooney, I'm all for keeping yourself entertained to avoid suicide, (it WAS a Schumacher flick, and Schumacher was the Ratner and/or Bay of the 90's) but misplaced homosexual motivations aside – this monstrosity should NEVER have happened. (I'm referring to the Clooney part, not the gay part.) It killed Batman on-screen for eight years. This is the absolute worst possible scenario for Batman, and in Bat-mathematical terms, Clooney (who fought a cold-based villain, no less,) is a lot like absolute zero. Anything is greater than Clooney. Clooney times infinity can't even amount to a Val Kilmer, or even a mixed drink CALLED a Val Kilmer. The lime wedge IN a Val Kilmer is more Batman than you Clooney. So is the bar back who cuts it. And his knife. (BAT-DRINK!)

(1/4 bats)

Val Kilmer. Kilmer was a smug genius smartass in Real Genius and either a goof, hardass, or combination of the two in Top Gun and Tombstone. Of course, Real Genius is the only one of these movies I really remember, because the others are dramas. (All I remember about Tombstone is Lowell from Wings getting shot like 40 times in slow motion… me and all my friends shouting out, "Loooooowellllllllll!!!" as he took something like three clips straight to the torso. HARD. He later grew up to be Sandman, alongside 'That 70's Venom.') Irrelevant Tombstone memories aside, we already had vestiges of genius AND hardass going for Kilmer, so this flat-out should've been better. It probably lost a lot due to: the non-Lando-Calrissian-Harvey-Dent (continuity, people!), the abominable Jim Carrey Fire-Marshall-Riddler ("Let me ask ya somethin'!"), the fact that Tim Burton wasn't directing it, and that Val, you know, wasn't Michael Keaton. Don't feel bad Val, you beat Clooney, and you honestly had a lot more going against you. That's a victory in itself. Go listen to the soundtrack from The Saint (but don't watch it!) and treat yourself to a Val Kilmer on the rocks. You've earned it buddy.

(2/4 bats)

Christian Bale. "Blasphemy," say many of you. Well, let it be said that I am not a person who always thinks newer is better. (It's called hype, people - learn to filter it.) Sure, Bale does a decent job, but I just didn't find his Batman a convincing hero, or HIM a convincing hero. Bale would've been better as a villain, like the Marilyn Manson Riddler of Jeff Matsuda's The Batman, who's voiced by Freddy Krueger. (God, I loved typing that sentence.) There's nothing heroic about a guy who looks like Todd McFarlane. Plus he's full of himself. He had a line in a recent interview about how "some of the Batmen who came before him did an alright job," but, (he then said something like) "these were guys who dressed up in Bat-suits, they didn't become Bats." Bale, THAT'S THE STUPIDEST, MOST ARROGANT SHIT I'VE EVER HEARD. If you BECAME a Bat, you'd be Man-Bat, a villain, and you'd probably be better at that. Your mouth would emit echo-location and your poop would be made into bowls by indigenous people. Until that happens, settle the hell down. Go watch a video of you flexing while banging random whores to Genesis songs. (see: American Psycho) You do not pass Wayne Manor and you do not collect a Val Kilmer. (I love the idea that in Bat-Monopoly, the bank is a bar.) I should demote you to Kilmer, Bale. Don't think I can't do it. OK, you can stay, but ONLY since your, "all you rich people can suck it," scene in Begins was awesome. And because Ra's al Ghul isn't a real villain, so you had that working against you. (Side note: there are seven 'real' Batman villains.) But Bale, you're not getting past two bats. Since your Batmobile is (chrissakes) a tank-ified Hummer, blame the bad Bat-mileage.

(3/4 bats)

TIE: Michael Keaton, Kevin Conroy.

Beetlejuice as Batman? Like pre-Scientology Isaac Hayes says, "You're DAMMMMN right." (Mr. Hayes, R.I.P.) A lot of people say Bruce Wayne should be more attractive than Keaton. I say you can be average-looking if you're ludicrously rich, let alone if you KICK SERIOUS ASS. That backhand punch? Awesome. So the looks aren't a problem for me, because he looked good AS BATMAN, and Batman is the character I pay to see. Besides, those 'really-really-good-looking' Batmen – sucked. HARD. One movie a piece for those guys, because they were tools. And Batman is not a tool, not even with a Craftsman lifetime guarantee. (Kilmer was asked back, but turned it down. And Bale-lovers, I did take into consideration Bale's been asked back for a second film. See how he's above the solo-guys, and interrupting Keaton's post?) Back to Keaton – not only did he rock that shit, he rocked that shit EVEN THOUGH THE SOUNDTRACK WAS BY PRINCE. (I like Prince, a lot actually, but seriously. Nothing about Batman says "little pan-sexual purple Jehovah's Witness dude from Minnesota.") Also, no other Batman has earned his own dessert at Taco Bell. (BAT-CARBS!)

Kevin Conroy – who? The voice of Batman from Batman: The Animated Series, Justice League, two or three other DC cartoons and movies, and YES there were Batman TAS movies, so he's in. (You've found the curveball.) Is it unfair to include him, since I'm judging him solely on his voice and have no idea what he looks like on top of that he didn't physically appear in anything? NOT AT ALL. Because his voice is THAT BATMAN. His voice is Batman enough to outweigh Clooney, Kilmer, and Bale combined. Which, if you're keeping score, totals up to Kilmer and Bale. (BAT-MATH!!)

(4/4 bats)

Adam f-ing West. Yes, there was a 60's Batman movie – and Adam West is amazingly awesome in it, just like he is in everything he's ever done. If you like Bruce Campbell, think of Adam West as his more-player uncle who taught him the ropes. West's joke-on-purpose Batman of the 60's helped revitalize the character across all genres. Hell, if BOB KANE thanked him for it then it should be good enough for you! He's got some bit role in every Bat-cartoon, works on Family Guy, etc – and do you know why? Because EVERYBODY LOVES HIM. He can grab your girlfriend's boob right in front of you, play it off like he didn't mean it, and you'll end up apologizing to him or asking him to grab her boob again so you can get a picture this time. He's THAT pimp. This is a guy with a great sense of humor, a really big heart, and is still active in the fan community. Return to the Batcave, anybody? Also 75% of 'West' is also present in 'best.' Coincidence, or providence?

And now, I must bid you adieu (like the butt-checking-out Gambit), but will leave you with this mind-bender...

And also, what could've been...

Why X-Men: The Animated Series is Awesome

For those of you who care, you already know that X-Men the Animated Series has not been released on DVD in seasons. However, a few episodes were released years back on overpriced single DVD's - and we got one of these in the mail from Netflix yesterday. Aside from a number of things that made this show awesome, our DVD included a scene of Gambit and Rogue talking in a French cafe - where Gambit checks out a girl's butt who walks by him when Rogue isn't looking. If that isn't awesome, I don't know what is. (Below is an artistic interpretation.)

Stephane Roux is Awesome

Stephane Roux is awesome. Even if you know comic books there's a good chance you don't know who he is yet, because he hasn't really had a steady interiors gig - as he's quickly becoming a DC cover artist. While he's done some Countdown covers and a lot for Birds of Prey, he (thus far) is most notably the artist who's done the majority of the recent DC house ads, often referred to as 'anti-inspirational ads' since they're published in the format of those cheesy office-motivational posters.

So far he's done:
Libra (Injustice)
Mongul (Domination)
Hush (Envy)
Satanus (Insurrection)
Brainiac (Oppression)
Ambush Bug (Unvictorious)

Here's my favorite.



Penciller, Inker, Colorist. This guy is awesome. Don't believe me?

Go to www.frenchbulldogstudio.com, and click on 'Stephane.'

Wanna buy originals? Go to www.comicart.cc and email his art agent!

The Age of Apocalypse

The story: I was urged to create this blogspot thing at the behest of several people, and when creating any blog the computer makes you give your blog a name. I've previously said, "I bet anything someone puts for a blog name is a ropeless tetherball of retarded," but unfortunately 'ropeless tetherball of retarded' was already taken (see: sarcasm).

Well, it just so turned out that the AGE OF APOCALYPSE had been on my mind that day- as it had been (and rightfully so) every day since it came out in early 1995.

For those of you who don't know, the Age of Apocalypse was a four-month long crossover of the X-books which took place in an alternate dimension. Prof. Charles Xavier had died a premature death - thus rendering the Earth ripe for the picking by Apocalypse. (Because the largest obstacles are always hairless paraplegics.)

So I went back to thinking about the Age of Apocalypse and wondering how I could sum it up in one word. That word is 'awesomeness,' but as the same word is often used in any Keanu Reeves role, I knew I had to flesh it out a bit - and 'Awesomeness, whoa,' was not an option. So I wondered - why was the AoA so awesome? Because the writers and artists (and even characters) knew that out of all the components of anything, THE AWESOMENESS IS IMPORTANT. Yet, this still didn't seem to fit quite what I was going for. (After all, this blogspot account is the evolution of www.myspace.com/theawesomenessisimportant, and there's no reason to rest on laurels.)

What makes AoA so awesome, and how would I know? It's not like I was IN the Age of Apocalypse, right? Well, thanks to my good friend (and illustrator) Matt Smith, (not the famous one) Marvel's tragic oversight has been righted. Furthermore, his illustration is proof that even I would be cooler in the Age of Apocalypse. The Age of Apocalypse improves EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. I'll now hand this over to Matt, who will explain his choices in character design.

Here we go, folks!!! (Matt Smith sez)

1. I didn't know if you should be a mutant or a human, so with the big robot hand, it could be a glove or your mutant power could be beefy-handedness.
2. Everybody looks like a bad-ass in a trench coat. It's a scientific fact. Yours has the groovy see-through part because I spent a lot of time working up the anatomy of the figure and didn't want to just cover it up in a coat.
3. Along with his message of peace between humans and mutants, it's a little-known fact that Charles Xavier's was also a strong voice against facial tattoos. This is evident in the world where he never existed, where something like 80% of the characters in the age of apocalypse had tattoos on their faces, you included.
4. Razors and shaving cream were among the first casualties of Apocalypse's rise to power, but beard trimmers are plentifully available on every street corner, so sculpted, Buff Bagwell sideburns are an absolute must!
5. Big-assed rivets have replaced stitches in shirt collars. Even fashion isn't safe from Apocalypse's philosophy of "only the strong survive."
6. After all of the TV stores were obliterated, a bored nation turned to the most entertaining pastime available: sit-ups.
7. It's Marvel, everybody's got a metal something now-a-days and while it would be cool to have, I wasn't about to draw you a metal nutsack. So I went to the standard fallback and gave you the pimpy metal arm.
8. The ripped torso wouldn't show it off very well, so I couldn't use the skull T-shirt I was going to use, you know, the one that made everyone in high school scared of you? Yeah, but I still have it represented in this slightly Gwar-esque belt buckle.
9. Lastly, you still get to wear your Lugz in age of apocalypse, but for some reason, if one wears boots, his pants have to be tucked into them all army style. Perhaps this offered protection from some danger not revealed in the storyline of the comics…Apoca-rattle-snakes? We may never know.

Kudos, Matt - on a job damn well done.
Couldn't have done it better myself.



For more information on the Awesomeness that is The Original Age of Apocalypse, please check out Age of Apocalypse, Volumes 1-4 (but mostly just Volume 2).