My Imaginary Band

This post was prompted by Chris Sims' genius article regarding the G.I. Joe Killaz, in which he references that (much like me) he is one of the guys in their mid, ok, late twenties, who spend an inordinate amount of time coming up with good band names.

While years back I'd begun a screenplay involving a band called 'My Balls,' led by frontman 'Ozzy Balls,' and whose debut and sophomore albums would be referred to as 'My Balls' and 'Your Balls,' respectively (the latter of which featuring the single 'In Charge of My Balls,' and the album's marketing campaign would consist of Ozzy Balls saying, "I couldn't live without My Balls, can you live without - 'Your Balls?') - this is simply too many ball references in one joke for it to hold up. (These are the kind of things you can ONLY learn by trial and error.)

As luck would have it, I came upon the perfect band name when at an old job where I (gasp) processed medical claims. That name?

GRAVENSTEIN.



A portmanteau of 'grave' and 'frankenstein,' Gravenstein would be a monster-themed metal-ish band, the likes of White Zombie meets something even awesomer than White Zombie. They'd all be in monster-character, would be led by Dr. Gravenstein, and their album would be titled, 'Dr. Gravenstein, I Presume?'

But back to the G.I. Joe Killaz. While I don't know the whole of their work, I can say that the haunting melodies of Eau De Cobra may well drive a straight man to ransack the perfume counter of the nearest Macy's in the hopes for the merest whiff of it. (This is a good thing.)

While Eau De Cobra was a brainwash perfume that fell into Cobra's hands, (to make Baroness irresistible to men) I really feel like it might've just been a placebo. Making a leathery-spandex-clad-hot-evil-librarian-vamp-dominatrix-with-a-mean-streak attractive to my adolescent mind would've taken about 0% secret-brainwash-perfume. 

Oh Baroness, if you'd only come a-calling...