The Best Flavor is BLUE

"Blue is not a flavor," my girlfriend said.

Yeah. Right.

Not only IS blue a flavor, but blue is the BEST flavor.

Several flavors in 'not real' foods are better than those in 'real' foods. Have you ever had Orange Bubblicious gum? If you have, then you know it doesn't taste a damn thing like an orange, assuming you were foolish enough to actually try an orange afterward.

'Actual orange' not what they were going for. Orange gum tastes like what oranges SHOULD taste like. If we were all dead and in paradise, oranges would taste as good as Orange gum. Or the juice that fills your mouth when you get those little tiny pieces of Orange Juice gum. God those things were good. But even the greatness of artificial Orange Juice gum (which is nigh immeasurable) can't hold a candle to the awesomeness of blue. Don't believe me? Let me share with you my favorite blue drinks - all of which are at least partially frozen.

6) - Blue Icee - this is a slurpee-type drink (sort of) that's available at most Burger Kings and at a lot of movie theaters. It's frozen and it's blue, but that's all it has going for it. It's the bottom of the barrel in quality of this list. (Note: it is still awesome.)

5) Blue Otter Pops - anybody else who was raised poor had Otter Pops growing up. And not the new 'today' kind either. I'm talking about the janky, chatty Otter Pops of the 80s. Somewhat similar to Flavorice, except that with Otter Pops you felt like you could trick yourself into believe you were learning important historical facts that were based in anthropomorphized-fictitious-otters-throughout-time. They came in assortments, and this was their downfall. You'd end up eating the sucky Red ones for like a week solid until your Mom would go buy more. (Red is the opposite of blue, unless it's strawberry - which is still awesome, and actually quite similar in flavor to the majority of blue drinks.)

4) Slush Mugged Blue Gatorade - preferably Glacier Freeze. Again - anybody who grew up poor should damn well have a slush mug.

3) Blue Slurpees. There have been at least 3 kinds of blue Slurpees. I-don't-remember, Blue Raspberry, and Blue Blunder. Blue Blunder was the best. (Apparently, Slurpees are quite heavy in Nitrogen, thus blocking the bodies' absorption of nutrients. No wonder I was a fat kid.)

2) [TIE] The blue slushes at Wetzel's Pretzel's, and Blue Shaved Ice from Renaissance Festivals

1) Blue Slush Puppie. The one. The only. The original. Often imitated, never duplicated. Hard to find (the website's no help) and it's harder to find someone who'll actually serve you one - but man are these things good. You can actually feel the sugar rushing into your brain. That's the mark of quality.

6 instances of Blue being a flavor. The AWESOMEST flavor. And I'm pretty sure with that, I've proven I'm right.

The Real Ghostbusters: Real Dicks

You might be asking yourself, "What is this? Aren't you psyched about the new game in October and the pending release of the animated series on DVD?" Absolutely, and yes I am a fan. But this does not change the fact that, from a certain perspective, the Ghostbusters are Total Dicks.

Two of the The Real Ghostbusters' biggest villains were Sandman and Sam Hain.

The Sandman (of GB continuity) is a ghost who puts people to sleep. His nefarious goal? To put everyone to sleep for awhile so the world can settle the hell down. Now, it's true that people *could* die in The Sandman's proposed 100 years of sleep, and it's also true that your dreams come to life in the 'real' world when he has you asleep – but this would only be a problem if you were awake. Since it's his goal to put EVERYONE to sleep, not a problem. Plus, typically your Sandman-dreams are pretty awesome. So Sandman's just a ghost who sees that the human world is callous, busy, and tense, and he's trying to do something to help us chill the hell out. The Ghostbusters bust him, because they're dicks. God forbid you get to sleep for a month, not lose your job because your whole town was asleep for a month, and you have a month-long dream of being royalty, a player, a tycoon or a rockstar. Or a royal-player-tycoon-rockstar, which is my personal favorite. Let's be honest people, half of America would pay to have this ghost haunt them.

Here is a picture of The Sandman dipping his 'flute' into his 'sleep dust.' I'm absolutely positive it's not a picture of him getting high on his ghost-bong. He's far too responsible to give into such… oh, who am I kidding? Ghost-busted indeed.

Sidenote: The Sandman's voice sounds like an asthmatic's inhalation, filtered through a wax-papered harmonica. Surprisingly, this is somewhat soothing.

Sam Hain is the spirit of Halloween, who obviously has a pumpkin-head because things with pumpkins for heads are awesome. His dastardly plot? To make Halloween night eternal. To take the awesomest holiday of the year and never let it end. Free candy forever, and chicks dressed as sexy things for all eternity. And this is why people worshipped him.

It would be dark forever, no sunglasses, no skin cancer, cheaper cooling bills – oh wait, no bills at all because EVERY DAY IS HALLOWEEN. (So I'm pretty sure Peter Steele is a fan.)

If there was a church for this guy, I would go to it. This is a ghost with an agenda I agree with, and I'd be glad to trust him with my tax-deductible gifts. Granted, if it was Halloween forever, tax-time would never roll around - but that's assuming he instantly obtains his goals - which I'm pretty sure no religion has ever done in my lifetime.

The Ghostbusters bust him, because they're dicks. I imagine you're beginning to see the pattern. This particular bust probably involves Ray, the retard of the GB, talking about how important Christmas is, or something else that's lamely Americana. Eat it Ray! And tell Winston to get off that ghost-baseball team while you're at it! Below is an image where I imagine Sam Hain is telling Ray to eat it, though using his full first name, Raymond, because Sam Hain is classy.

Sure, there were *probably* ghosts who were causing legitimate problems who were busted too, though even they typically revolved just around property damage or instilling panic. It's not my fault if you scare easily or don't have ghost insurance. In closing, not one ghost ever killed anybody in the GB world. Maybe, just maybe, Ghostbusters, we actually have a lot to learn from ghosts. Think about that, would you??