Friday, August 29, 2008

Leprechaun 4: The Eleven-Year Late Review

Leprechaun 4: Leprechaun in Space is far superior to all other Leprechaun films. (A total of 6.)

Surprisingly, it is even better than Leprechaun 5: 'Leprechaun in the Hood' (good idea, horrible execution), and its follow-up Leprechaun 6: 'BACK 2 tha Hood' (didn't see, as it's the sequel to 5).

The fact that 'Leprechaun in Space' got a lower IMDB score than Batman and Robin is proof that you can't trust everything that you read, even online.

This film is absolutely fantastic in its horribleness.

Lep 4

It begins with Space Marines peeing on the Leprechaun's corpse - which makes perfect sense because so many good movies begin with urination. (He died from falling on a grenade to save the life of the Space-Ho-Princess he's trying to talk into marrying him.)

Unfortunately, getting peed on is apparently a method of rebirth for ol' Lep, seeing as he later bursts loose from the groin of the guy who peed on him, while said guy is getting a handjob. I think of this as the Handjob of Death. It was preceded by such masterful lines of dialogue as, "Shake hands with the big guy," and, "Take it easy - you don't wanna hurt Mr. Snake."


And as Lep emerges from said groin, he says, "Let that be a lesson t'ye laddie. Always wear a prophylactic!" Fan-tastic.

Now might be a good time to mention that there is a disembodied-torso-guy attached to a giant robot who runs the place. His name - Dr. Mittenhand, (which I'm pretty sure is a direct shout-out to my home state of Michigan). Did I mention he turns into a giant monster spider-scorpion, which refers to himself as MittenSpider? And this isn't even the 3rd or 4th most awesome part of the movie?!?! Do read on!

Let me just take an opportunity to say that I really wish there'd been a prequel to this film called 'Mittenhand's Experiment.' Mittenhand is freakin' GOLDEN as a character. He could be on a British comedy, or a villain on MST3K, which I feel is somehow sort of the same thing.

The whole reason Lep's here is he wants his 'bride,' which the Space Marines took and handed over to Mittenhand - who is unwilling to give her over as her blood has regenerative properties. Yeah.

We have a magically-flattened-face at roughly 1:01, followed by Lep injecting Mittenhand with the serum that will lead to his imminent arachnization.

Lep has magically covered the half-robot-corporal in explosives, and then brainwashed him with Lep-magic. Believe it or not, this is where things START to really run off the rails.

The brainwashing leads to (drumroll please) the half-robot-corporal-in-drag-murderous-floor-show. There has been nothing scarier in any scary movie. Ever. (His character's name - seriously, Cpl. Metalhead Hooker... so in a sense, this is Hooker Hooker.) PS - Hooker Hooker busts out the nunchuks!!!

We find out that on the planet of Lep's Space Ho, naked boobs are a death sentence. Unlike on this planet where naked boobs are a death sentence MAYBE like half the time.

Lep gets hit with a super-growth ray and predictably turns giant-sized. Unpredictably, he looks in his pants and his eyes flare. GENIUS.

Long story short, the few remaining Space Marines save the day - but not until MittenSpider rips off Science-officer-hottie's pants for good measure, so that she's running around in a unitard-like swimsuit she just happens to wear all the time. For a brief minute it's like watching Baywatch - only with Lep and a giant Spider-Scorpion guy... which really is exactly what I think Baywatch in Space would probably be.

Mittenspider gets killed via liquid-nitrogen-murder/gunshot, which is probably how he would've wanted it.

Lep ends up getting sucked out of an airlock into space and totally exploding like crazy. The film ends with his disembodied hand floating through space - FLIPPING YOU OFF.

I'm relatively certain there's no better way to end anything.

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