Armchair of Anger: Punch-Out, downloadable, for the Nintendo 3DS

With the utmost respect to one of my all-time favorites...

I recently purchased a Nintendo 3DS although I already had purchased several of the system's predecessors – I was basically made to buy it because the game New Super Mario Bros 2 was only available on the 3DS and not the DS Lite, so if I wanted to play the game without purchasing a Wii, I had to buy the 3DS.

The 3DS has been a worthwhile purchase. The internet browsing is far from ideal, but was a great help when my laptop wasn't working properly. Also, it has the ability to purchase download games, such as Punch-Out.

Mike Tyson's Punch-Out is quite possibly the greatest video game ever made. Punch-Out, which is available for download is the exact same game, except that the final fight is not with Mike Tyson, but instead with a fictional boxer called Mr. Dream.

This is probably due to copyright issues, but I like thinking it's because Nintendo didn't want to put him in a game after he bit some guy's ear off.

Whatever the case, this is not a complaint about the 3DS, or the lack of Mike Tyson in the Punch-Out available; it's a complaint about the controls itself.

The original game was on the 8-bit Nintendo, or NES, system. This controller featured a four-directional D-pad, A and B buttons, select, and start. The Nintendo 3DS has MANY more buttons than this. Yet on the NES, the controls were simple. Left and right punches, high and low, and a special attack of an uppercut. The uppercut was accessed by pressing select on the original NES controller, which you would usually tap with your left thumb, just a hair away from the D-pad.

For whatever reason, not only did the 3DS NOT choose to keep the uppercut as “select,” or to use it as a combination of the two punch buttons (which are not where they should be anyway), or either the top R or L buttons - which are easily accessible by your forefingers while not removing your thumbs from punching and the D-pad. Instead, they put the uppercut on the Start button, which is very far from either of your thumbs, and nowhere near accessible to the left thumb which would have usually pressed select. Beyond that, the start button is next to the home button, which can take you out of the game completely.

The bottom line – this is poor planning. They should've kept the uppercut on the select button, or made it accessible through one of the top bumpers. Even without Mike Tyson, it's a great game to have on the go, but the placement of the uppercut was a very poor choice. The first time I played the game, I quit because I couldn't figure out where the uppercut was. Why use the start button which would usually pause the game? They should've used the select button like always. If they wanted to move it, they should've moved it somewhere better, NOT somewhere worse.

Vazquez Spider-Man

Might not be posting here a lot for a little while

Not because of anything bad.  Actually only because of things that are good.  Potentially very, very good.  I'm making some changes.  And one of them is to spend less time online.  What do I plan on doing with that time?  LIVING OFFLINE. :)

Goals

In no specific order whatsoever.


Switch to a (largely) gluten-free diet.  (Pretty much already there.)

Get back in better shape.  (This has more to do with what I can do than it has to do with how I look.  Though I'll take the "how I look" too.  Walking and biking and eating better should pretty much take care of this.)

Gradually decrease sugar intake and/or possibly replace with a sugar substitute.  (sort of already on this.)

Develop a tolerance for hot sauce. (work to be done here.)

Develop more of a tolerance for liquor again. (just about there.)

Relax.  Enjoy "right now."  Trust that things will work out. (doing fairly well on that.)

Awesome Green Goblin

Adam Kubert, Hulk -1 p.1 art reference

Incredible Hulk -1, p.1 - Adam Kubert art (below)

Incredible Hulk corner box art - Adam Kubert art (below)

Gangsterism: Me vs Lil Wayne

Hello folks! I am spending St. Patrick's Day, like most other days, reflecting on how awesome I am. However, in what is bound to become an annual event, I am focusing on my level of gangsterness, or gangsterism if you will, as held up against an actual gangster rapper.

Lil Wayne and I have some things in common. We both have first names that start with D. We both had fathers who didn't really come through for us and who we both want nothing to do with. We were both recognized as being bright as kids. We both really like candy. We both have what it takes to rock the mic right. Neither of us are actually named Wayne. Now that we've established some common ground....

THE GANGSTERISM FACE-OFF SHOWDOWN!!!!!!!!





Lil Wayne grew up in New Orleans. I grew up in Flint. Point - me.

Lil Wayne was in a gifted program in elementary school. I was roped into tutoring other kids in my regular-ass elementary school. Point - me.

Lil Wayne met the owner of Cash Money Records in 1991. In 1991, I was working under the table at a comic book store moving heavy boxes while underage. Point - me.

Lil Wayne accidentally shot himself at age 13. A lot of people would think this makes him more gangster than me because he's been shot, but those people would be wrong. Real gangsters don't accidentally shoot themselves. Point - me.

Lil Wayne was an honor student at a magnet school. My school district didn't have a magnet school, likely because they couldn't afford one. Point - me.

Lil Wayne got taken to the hospital (when he shot himself) by an off-duty police officer. Not only would a real gangster not shoot himself, but on the off-chance he did shoot himself, he would probably not go to the hospital, and definitely would not go there with the police unless he was being taken there in handcuffs. Also, a real gangster would not trust the police. I'm issuing myself a minimum of 2 points on this one.

(Score so far: Lil Wayne 0, Me 7 or more)

In 1999 Lil Wayne was featured on Juvenile's Back That Azz Up. In 1999, I was trying to get chicks to back that azz up onto me while dancing to Back That Azz Up and various songs by Bootleg and The Dayton Family in Churchill's in Flint, Michigan. DRAW.

In 2005 Lil Wayne started wearing dreadlocks. I cannot grow dreadlocks. Point - Lil Wayne.

In 2007 Lil Wayne was named Rapper of the Year by The New Yorker and Workaholic of the Year by GQ magazine. Real Gangsters do not get complimentary write-ups in The New Yorker. And since the G in GQ does not stand for Gangster - that's Two Points - me.

(Score so far: Lil Wayne 1, me 9 or more)

In 2009 Lil Wayne was on tracks with Madonna and Weezer. I wasn't. Two Points - me.

In 2011, Fred Durst said Lil Wayne will be on Limp Bizkit's new album. Point - me.

The label Lil Wayne is on has Drake on it. Point - me.

Lil Wayne is a practicing Christian. Point - me.

(Score so far: Lil Wayne 1, me 13 or more)

Lil Wayne is involved in philanthropy. Real gangsters do not give hard earned money away. Point - me.

In 2007 Lil Wayne was arrested for getting high in NYC. I am currently contesting a ticket with the NYPD - DRAW.

In 2010 Lil Wayne was doing a term on Rikers Island. Real gangsters don't get caught. If they do, they buy their way out, or pay their lawyers to get them out of it. Point - me.

He then got let out early for good behavior. How many gangsters do you know who are known for their good behavior? Point - me.

Lil Wayne didn't show up to another hearing because he was already doing time at Rikers. Point - Lil Wayne.

(Score so far: Lil Wayne 2, me 16 or more)

Lil Wayne has been sued many times for things like copyright infringement and unpaid royalties. That's got to be some of the least gangster stuff there is to get sued for. Point - me.

Lil Wayne had a beef with 50 Cent. 50 Cent is also not gangster. Point - me.

So, all-in-all, that brings us to a tally of me being statistically proven as being 9 TIMES AS GANGSTER as Lil Wayne. I'd thank you for reading, but that would not be very gangster of me.