Saturday, August 30, 2008

Some Thoughts on R. Kelly's Trapped in the Closet

Rather than detail the funniest parts, thus *giving everything away* in case you haven't yet seen these for yourself... because this is something EVERYONE should see for themselves... I will merely detail why you should watch it.

It involves: pimps, midgets, gay dudes, lesbians, cops, prisoners, people passing out and/or shitting themselves, and mafia guys - all via melodies set to the tune of rampant extramarital affairs. (It's like the whole thing takes place on Cheating Day - which I'm pretty sure is Lupercale, or the Beltane festival.)

You can find out what R. Kelly would sound like as a Southern woman. You can also see what R. Kelly would look like if he was really old and fat. Or a pimp with a sp-sp-speech impediment. (I would say, "R. Kelly is like the Eddie Murphy of music videos," but that seems too complimentary to Eddie Murphy.)

Also, we find that R. Kelly (his character) sleeps with a Beretta. I had no clue the Beretta was so versatile...

R. Kelly (in real life) has gone on record to state that the series will end, and I quote, "...when the aliens say it's over." In response to this statement, I have written a brief letter to god.

Dear god,
Please let Trapped in the Closet end with aliens.
The "outer-space" kind.
Thank you god, R. Kelly, and aliens. Santa, I guess, too.
Dave of Apocalypse

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