Hush or Darkman?
...
A hat and a gun folks.
When it comes right down to it -
a hat and a gun.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Hush or Darkman? You decide!
Hush or Darkman?
...
A hat and a gun folks.
When it comes right down to it -
a hat and a gun.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
(In a Nutshell: One Guy’s Take on Where the X-Men Went Astray, aka,) Whatever Happened to the Children of the Atom?
When I was a kid, the X-Men were hated by a world that didn't understand them. But I understood them: railed against for being different, trying to figure out their purpose(s), who to trust and where they fit in. The story kernel of "the outsider" is relatable.
Today, the X-Men are still hated by a world that doesn’t understand them. What's changed is that I’m not so sure their publisher understands them either.
Below are some of the larger points of disagreement that I have with the handling of the X-Men mythos over the last decade.
The release of the first X-Men film (2000)
The X-Men uploaded into the sleek patent-leather of The Matrix and Marvel got insanely paid. Duplication and emulation were bound to follow. It was good for the pocketbook, but would prove bad for the cohesiveness and integrity of the franchise. This coincided with Joe Quesada's appointment to Editor-in-Chief.
The creation of the Ultimate Universe (2000-2001)
As the casual fan (aka non-comic-reading-moviegoer) might not understand the "regular" comics (which disagree with the movie in several regards) a “do-over” of the X-Men mythos was in order. Sort of like “What If,” only less different and much longer. Still Matrixy.
Grant Morrison’s New X-Men (2001)
An attempt to Ultimatize™ the regular X-Men – well, I’ll limit myself to fifteen words on this one.
Magneto – addict,
Beast – a cat,
Cassandra Nova - Stupid.
Beak - really?
The villain was mold.
Yeah.
Wolverine Origin (2001-2002) and, vicariously, the second X-Men film (2003)
Purportedly, the rationale here was to tell Wolverine’s origin before the movie (X-Men 2) did. X-Men 2 touched briefly on the adamantium bonding process and the Weapon X story. It did not involve finding out that Logan was a 200+ year old prissy-pants named James who wore frilly shirts, or that Logan/James’ mom was kind of a whore.
Sidebar: Wolverine’s name: James Howlett. Get it? Like Howl? I despise character names that are supposed to “subtly” inform their personae. Like Steadfarst Everymann, Petale L'Delicat, or Honesty McGoodLawyer. But this is worse, because - you know what howls? Coyotes, wolves. Not Wolverines. Marvel loves to equate Wolverine with more esteemed creatures. Guys – he’s not some forest spirit and he isn’t noble. Wolverines are short little hairy ugly fighty guys who kind of grunt at you. They could’ve at least named him James Offputting, or James Fartsnstabs.
This is a real wolverine, which probably weighs less than 50 lbs.
Astonishing X-Men (2004)
Unlike Ultimate X-Men, which has the decency to take place outside of normal continuity, Astonishing takes a fence-straddling approach that can only be described as, “these editors don’t talk to each other, or they don’t care, or they don’t think the readers will.” Since the book sells through the roof, apparently they were right about most potential readers. Also, Colossus is back. And he never died. Also, more Cassandra Nova. And space. (Whedon.)
Wolverine Origins (2006)
Six words here.
Written by Daniel Way.
Also, Daken.
Sing it loud, buddy.
If only, "tonight you'd be gone."
The X-Men move to San Francisco (2008)
‘Nuff Said.
Also, Mr. Sinister is a chick now.
In closing, please note:
I do not hate Joe Quesada, Grant Morrison, or the entire work of either. Yes, I paid money to see all three X-Men films (though not any of the other Marvel films). I do not think the Ultimate Universe completely sucks.
Today, the X-Men are still hated by a world that doesn’t understand them. What's changed is that I’m not so sure their publisher understands them either.
Below are some of the larger points of disagreement that I have with the handling of the X-Men mythos over the last decade.
The release of the first X-Men film (2000)
The X-Men uploaded into the sleek patent-leather of The Matrix and Marvel got insanely paid. Duplication and emulation were bound to follow. It was good for the pocketbook, but would prove bad for the cohesiveness and integrity of the franchise. This coincided with Joe Quesada's appointment to Editor-in-Chief.
The creation of the Ultimate Universe (2000-2001)
As the casual fan (aka non-comic-reading-moviegoer) might not understand the "regular" comics (which disagree with the movie in several regards) a “do-over” of the X-Men mythos was in order. Sort of like “What If,” only less different and much longer. Still Matrixy.
Grant Morrison’s New X-Men (2001)
An attempt to Ultimatize™ the regular X-Men – well, I’ll limit myself to fifteen words on this one.
Magneto – addict,
Beast – a cat,
Cassandra Nova - Stupid.
Beak - really?
The villain was mold.
Yeah.
Wolverine Origin (2001-2002) and, vicariously, the second X-Men film (2003)
Purportedly, the rationale here was to tell Wolverine’s origin before the movie (X-Men 2) did. X-Men 2 touched briefly on the adamantium bonding process and the Weapon X story. It did not involve finding out that Logan was a 200+ year old prissy-pants named James who wore frilly shirts, or that Logan/James’ mom was kind of a whore.
Sidebar: Wolverine’s name: James Howlett. Get it? Like Howl? I despise character names that are supposed to “subtly” inform their personae. Like Steadfarst Everymann, Petale L'Delicat, or Honesty McGoodLawyer. But this is worse, because - you know what howls? Coyotes, wolves. Not Wolverines. Marvel loves to equate Wolverine with more esteemed creatures. Guys – he’s not some forest spirit and he isn’t noble. Wolverines are short little hairy ugly fighty guys who kind of grunt at you. They could’ve at least named him James Offputting, or James Fartsnstabs.
This is a real wolverine, which probably weighs less than 50 lbs.
Astonishing X-Men (2004)
Unlike Ultimate X-Men, which has the decency to take place outside of normal continuity, Astonishing takes a fence-straddling approach that can only be described as, “these editors don’t talk to each other, or they don’t care, or they don’t think the readers will.” Since the book sells through the roof, apparently they were right about most potential readers. Also, Colossus is back. And he never died. Also, more Cassandra Nova. And space. (Whedon.)
Wolverine Origins (2006)
Six words here.
Written by Daniel Way.
Also, Daken.
Sing it loud, buddy.
If only, "tonight you'd be gone."
The X-Men move to San Francisco (2008)
‘Nuff Said.
Also, Mr. Sinister is a chick now.
In closing, please note:
I do not hate Joe Quesada, Grant Morrison, or the entire work of either. Yes, I paid money to see all three X-Men films (though not any of the other Marvel films). I do not think the Ultimate Universe completely sucks.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
NYCC 09 (Why Deadpool Owes Me a Drink)
In forty-eight hours I shook Dusty Rhodes' hand, met Unemployed Skeletor, bought awesome art for myself from Chris Uminga, and another baby sketch for gf-of-Apocalypse from Tom Raney. Of course I also snapped some pics of the promotions and cosplayers.
Is "Yatter" Japanese for "tighty-whitey?" All I know is, this logo passed through SEVERAL hands before apparently resulting in a hero with a pair of drauze on his chest. (With a swooped waist to accentuate the gut. And a shaded-taint-area. These are totally some Grandad Freeman undies.) Does that say "The Ultimate Entertainment: Testicles from Japan?" I mean, hey, I like being entertained - but I think I'll pass. Just thinking about it makes me want to Yatter-cry... which means tighty-whitey cry. (That's why I wear boxers.)
Dave of Apocalyptic Evenings with Skelly. No. The immovable object and the unstoppable force. Not really. Nacho cheese and dryer lint. Gross. Unemployed Skeletor and Dave of Apocalypse. That'll do I guess. With great power comes... ah, screw it. Our hand gestures say it all.
2 GOOD.
(All that's missing are the Rooty-Tooty-Fresh-and-Fruitys.)
And now - the BEST cosplay picture of the whole con.
Why, you ask? Look it over first... (drumroll please....) - it's because...
Deadpool had NOTHING to do with the other people in this photo.
I wanted a picture of Deadpool. The TMNT'ers thought I wanted a picture of them so they posed. Deadpool got out of the way, and I'm like, "No, you get in there too Deadpool."
DP was on the other side of Casey, but was pretty quick to flank April. (Sticking to character, Casey didn't say anything.) Where's Deadpool's right hand? Might April's enthusiasm tell the tale? Probably not - but either way Deadpool owes me a drink. Albeit inadvertently, it was because of me he got to get this close to April. But that's not what makes it the best picture.
It's the best cosplay picture of the con because, most importantly, I'm pretty sure this entire scenario is EXACTLY what the real Deadpool would've done in this situation. Nonchalantly mackin.
Lookout fellas, if Deadpool is real (which this photo obviously proves) he's coming for your girlfriends - and with that healing factor of his, you'll never beat him in a fight - so you'd better just hope your girlfriend isn't into wisecracking unkillable assassins. Since that's about as likely as you not wanting to be a spy with two sets of junk and an immunity to STDs, you should probably just remind her his face looks like hamburger, and just hope she's not into masks. Yeah - that's probably best.
Is "Yatter" Japanese for "tighty-whitey?" All I know is, this logo passed through SEVERAL hands before apparently resulting in a hero with a pair of drauze on his chest. (With a swooped waist to accentuate the gut. And a shaded-taint-area. These are totally some Grandad Freeman undies.) Does that say "The Ultimate Entertainment: Testicles from Japan?" I mean, hey, I like being entertained - but I think I'll pass. Just thinking about it makes me want to Yatter-cry... which means tighty-whitey cry. (That's why I wear boxers.)
Dave of Apocalyptic Evenings with Skelly. No. The immovable object and the unstoppable force. Not really. Nacho cheese and dryer lint. Gross. Unemployed Skeletor and Dave of Apocalypse. That'll do I guess. With great power comes... ah, screw it. Our hand gestures say it all.
2 GOOD.
(All that's missing are the Rooty-Tooty-Fresh-and-Fruitys.)
And now - the BEST cosplay picture of the whole con.
Why, you ask? Look it over first... (drumroll please....) - it's because...
Deadpool had NOTHING to do with the other people in this photo.
I wanted a picture of Deadpool. The TMNT'ers thought I wanted a picture of them so they posed. Deadpool got out of the way, and I'm like, "No, you get in there too Deadpool."
DP was on the other side of Casey, but was pretty quick to flank April. (Sticking to character, Casey didn't say anything.) Where's Deadpool's right hand? Might April's enthusiasm tell the tale? Probably not - but either way Deadpool owes me a drink. Albeit inadvertently, it was because of me he got to get this close to April. But that's not what makes it the best picture.
It's the best cosplay picture of the con because, most importantly, I'm pretty sure this entire scenario is EXACTLY what the real Deadpool would've done in this situation. Nonchalantly mackin.
Lookout fellas, if Deadpool is real (which this photo obviously proves) he's coming for your girlfriends - and with that healing factor of his, you'll never beat him in a fight - so you'd better just hope your girlfriend isn't into wisecracking unkillable assassins. Since that's about as likely as you not wanting to be a spy with two sets of junk and an immunity to STDs, you should probably just remind her his face looks like hamburger, and just hope she's not into masks. Yeah - that's probably best.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Jeff Matsuda is STILL awesome (Wolverine vs Hulk)
I should begin by noting that this is a first. I am reaffirming that someone or something is awesome (as if my prior statement wasn't enough, or as if my judgment of awesomeness could be somehow fallible or weakened by the forward motion of time.) All that being said, it's because Jeff Matsuda is SO awesome that I felt the overwhelming urge to state it again. Why?
The new HULK VS DVD. Do yourself a favor and buy this.
Hulk Vs is a DVD with two roughly 45 minute animated films - Hulk vs Wolverine, and Hulk vs Thor. Or as I like to think of it, "Hulk vs Wolverine, plus another one." (I mean no disrespect to the guys who worked on Thor - it was also cool. But, it also had Thor in place of Wolverine.) If you haven't gathered by now, we have Jeff Matsuda's awesomeness to thank for Hulk vs Wolverine.
(spoilers below)
Hulk calls Wolverine "Little Man." He shouts "Hulk Smash" and that he's "strongest there is." Signature attacks and poses are used, covers are paid homage to. The WeaponX program is involved. Featuring: Sabretooth, Deathstrike, Omega Red (!), and a fantastically-executed Deadpool - pun seriously not intended.
Deadpool talks incessantly, mocks nonstop, gets his arm cut off and complains to himself while he puts it back on. Fan-tastic. Sabretooth talks about how after Wolverine's dead, they'll "drop Hulk on an orphanage, or somethin." The characterization here is just great. You can tell that the folks in charge knew and loved the source material. Did I mention it's violent? I mean, it's not early-90s-anime-violent (alas, what is?) but there IS blood and it IS red. Thank you "straight to video."
So all in all, this gets one awesome out of a possible one awesomes, because when you get an awesome from me, just one, that's all you need. But sometimes you get two even though you only NEED one. Come to think of it, JM doesn't actually NEED any awesomes. All I know is this - maybe a person can't be knighted twice (at least not without becoming some sort of super-ghost-killing-knight made out of Voltrons) but, Jeff Matsuda, you have been twice awesomed. Believe that.
On a separate note: I neither know nor care much about Thor, but here's what I took away from his story. Loki might be sort of right to hate Thor, Loki has a hot super-tall daughter who rules hell (every part of that is awesome), and since Thor chose Sif over Enchantress I kind of have to question his ability to make the wisest decisions.
The new HULK VS DVD. Do yourself a favor and buy this.
Hulk Vs is a DVD with two roughly 45 minute animated films - Hulk vs Wolverine, and Hulk vs Thor. Or as I like to think of it, "Hulk vs Wolverine, plus another one." (I mean no disrespect to the guys who worked on Thor - it was also cool. But, it also had Thor in place of Wolverine.) If you haven't gathered by now, we have Jeff Matsuda's awesomeness to thank for Hulk vs Wolverine.
(spoilers below)
Hulk calls Wolverine "Little Man." He shouts "Hulk Smash" and that he's "strongest there is." Signature attacks and poses are used, covers are paid homage to. The WeaponX program is involved. Featuring: Sabretooth, Deathstrike, Omega Red (!), and a fantastically-executed Deadpool - pun seriously not intended.
Deadpool talks incessantly, mocks nonstop, gets his arm cut off and complains to himself while he puts it back on. Fan-tastic. Sabretooth talks about how after Wolverine's dead, they'll "drop Hulk on an orphanage, or somethin." The characterization here is just great. You can tell that the folks in charge knew and loved the source material. Did I mention it's violent? I mean, it's not early-90s-anime-violent (alas, what is?) but there IS blood and it IS red. Thank you "straight to video."
So all in all, this gets one awesome out of a possible one awesomes, because when you get an awesome from me, just one, that's all you need. But sometimes you get two even though you only NEED one. Come to think of it, JM doesn't actually NEED any awesomes. All I know is this - maybe a person can't be knighted twice (at least not without becoming some sort of super-ghost-killing-knight made out of Voltrons) but, Jeff Matsuda, you have been twice awesomed. Believe that.
On a separate note: I neither know nor care much about Thor, but here's what I took away from his story. Loki might be sort of right to hate Thor, Loki has a hot super-tall daughter who rules hell (every part of that is awesome), and since Thor chose Sif over Enchantress I kind of have to question his ability to make the wisest decisions.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
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